Friends in High Places
by Two-Eyed Charlie
Summary: Clark and Diana help pull Bruce's rear from the fire.


**Oy! DC with the owning of the characters and the copyright!**

* * *

 _ **Friends in High Places**_

 _ **The Watchtower:**_

 _ **JLA Headquarters**_

"Alright…alright….aaaannnnnd done, great. Didn't break anything this time."

Superman stepped back from the table and stared at his craftsmanship. A miniature statue of Lois, made completely of crystal he had salvaged from the earth's mantle, stood at the centre of the table, locked in a graceful twirl for all eternity. He had spent the last three hours (not counting the number of….. _messes_ he had to clean up) slowly cutting away the edges with his heat vision until, after an agonizing wait, he finally felt proud enough of his creation to stop.

Lois always said that she didn't need special gifts from him; just a nice supper and someone warm to snuggle up against was enough. But for her, Superman would do anything.

And he'd be sure to pay for the fridge that he bisected…..at some point. Reporters salary, Bruce would understand.

Just as he gently blew the last bits of melted crystal off the table, he heard the familiar clicking of Wonder Woman's boots as she strode into the mess-hall. He turned to great his friend with a glowing smile.

"Hi Diana," he said as she entered.

"Hey Kal," she replied, returning his smile. She caught a glimpse of the statue peeking out from behind Superman's shoulder, and her smile only grew wider. "Lois is going to love that."

"You think? It's not too much, is it?"

"No, I'd say it's perfect. She's going to be a very happy woman when she gets home tonight."

Superman's smile grew as well, warmed by the thought. "Good, hopefully this helps get her mind off the jerk of a politician she has to follow around for Perry. It's making her a little….grumpy."

Diana chuckled, though her eyes flashed slightly, as if she was remembering why she walked into the room in the first place. "Speaking of grumpy," she said, "have you seen Bruce around? He didn't show up for monitor duty today."

Superman cupped the statue in his hands, though his vision was focused on Diana. He grunted and quirked a brow. "That's sort of Bruce's style, isn't it?"

"Not usually. Unless there's a big emergency, he gives me enough advance to rope someone else into taking his shift."

"No big emergency then, I take it?"

She shook her head. "None that I'm aware of."

"Huh, weird." Superman's mind started crawling back in time, trying to see if there was anything peculiar hovering around their resident grouch. Nothing concrete came to mind. "He's been acting normal-well, normal for Batman-lately, so whatever it is, it must be pretty recent."

"Hmm." Wonder Woman reached for her communicator. "Maybe I'll give Alfred a call then. See if he….."

Before she could finish, Kyle Rayner streaked into the kitchen in a flurry of words and flailing limbs. He nearly crashed into Wonder Woman before he regained traction on floor. Huffing and puffing (and unsure why he didn't just fly to the kitchen area), he darted his eyes and his head back and forth between the two superheroes.

"Wonder Woman! Superman! You've gotta….." Kyle paused, noticing the statue in Superman's hands. "Aww, Lois is going to love that."

"Thanks Kyle!" Superman said, proudly.

Wonder Woman tapped him gently on his shoulder. "Sorry Kyle, you were saying something that sounded pretty urgent when you burst in here. What's going on?"

Kyle looked distinctly like a deer in the headlights, right until the gears in his head kicked into overdrive and his mind resumed normal function. "Oh! Right! You guys have to come quick, there's something _big_ going on!"

Both Superman and Wonder Woman exchanged worried glances. "What do you mean _big_?" Superman asked.

"Like BIG big. Like, like…man how do I explain it….."

Before he could, the ever graceful Guy Gardner jogged past the open doorway, a look of complete jubilee on his face. He almost looked like he was skipping…..

"Ho boy did Bats fuck up!" he sang aloud. Wonder Woman and Superman, dumbfounded, immediately turned back to Kyle, hoping for an explanation.

He could only shrug.

"You're…..going to want to come with me," he said sheepishly.

…

…

…

It was worse than they thought.

Upon arriving in the monitor womb (after pushing through the gathering crowds), they noticed that every single monitor in the expansive room was turned to one station and one station only. In fact, it was broadcasting exactly one program (live, it appeared) at near max volume.

It was Maury. And a very uncomfortable, very pissed looking Bruce Wayne was seated across from the host, his arms crossed and his face seething.

Next to him was Talia Al Ghul, and beside her, a little, spikey haired kid who, according to the crawling text underneath, was named Damian.

According to Talia, Bruce was his father.

Superman was completely and utterly shocked.

"Oh boy," he said. "This is….."

"Bad?" asked Kyle, who already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Wonder Woman answered for him. "It's bad."

"How could he….?"

"Doesn't say, just that she has tests and….."

"But this could….."

"I know Kal, I know….."

Superman palmed his forehead (a little harder than he intended) and sighed. "You don't actually think this happened, do you Diana?"

She paused, considered her words, then let out a sigh of her own. "I know that face. That's the "I screwed up and I didn't want to tell anyone" face. I think he's in hot water now."

"This is bad…." Superman said.

"Already said that," Kyle reminded him.

Almost instantaneously, Diana's eyes lit up. An idea burst its way into her mind, and she couldn't help but smile. She turned to Superman.

"I know how to help him, I know what to do to sweep this all under the rug." She grabbed Superman's arm. "But Kal, you have to listen to me _very_ carefully." She lowered her voice. "And do _exactly_ as I say….."

Both Kyle and Superman gulped audibly.

…

…

…

 _ **The Studio:**_

Bruce couldn't help but feel nervous as the envelope was passed to Maury. He saw Talia out of the corner of his eye. She looked almost sympathetic, like she didn't really want to be here. Clearly this was yet another one of Ras' twisted schemes, something he'd have to _repay_ him for later.

Especially since the little brat that was glaring daggers at him might as well have been a yappy puppy gnawing at his ankles.

Maury opened the envelope slowly, so that only the top portion of the white page inside peaked out for the crowd to see. Bruce could almost imagine the drum roll playing through the hushed crowed.

"Bruce Wayne," Maury said, tugging at the paper a little harder. "You…..are…"

Before he could pull the paper free, the ceiling of the studio burst inwards, showering the stage in debris. Two streaks of fiery red cut through the dust and nicked the bottom corner of the brown envelope. Maury threw it to the ground in a panic as it was engulfed in flames.

Superman descended quickly from the hole in the ceiling, landing next to Bruce with a heavy thud. Bruce could see dark circles around his eyes, and his once bright costume was filthy, covered in a layer of sediment.

Then, Superman started bellowing towards the crowd.

"I AM EVIL….AGAIN!" he screamed. Before Bruce could do anything, Superman grabbed onto his jacket and hoisted him above his head. "HOSTAGE!"

With that, the crowd fled in panic, as Superman shot off into the sky with the captive Bruce in tow. The only two remaining in the studio were Talia and Damian, the latter of whom seemed to be no less pissed off than normal.

"Mother," he said brattily. "Who was that?"

Talia couldn't help but smirk as she stared into the sky.

"That," she said, "was what your Grandfather so disdainfully calls 'friends'."

Damian paused, contemplative.

"You sure that wasn't his boyfriend?"

Talia sighed.

"I wonder that sometimes."

* * *

 **Brattily is now a word, and it shall from this point onwards be used to describe any and all actions that are undertaken by Damian.**

 **For he is a brat.**


End file.
